friendly

there's being friendly
and there's being too friendly

lesson of the day.

no.

拜託
你這樣讓我很不舒服

attempts

It's not the first time
and it hurts me whenever you do so
but i guess this is just how it is

it's just how it is.


Taiwan
please give me a miracle and help me overcome everything once i'm back.
please.

paper crane.

it's been a while since i think about it
i needed to take my plane ticket out from my important papers folder today
and that's how i came across "IT"
4 pages filled with memories
it's pretty darn funny
到了現在這個樣子
i'd have to say
i don't regret it
thanks for showing me a side of me that i've never seen before
oh god
too funny.

treat.

today someone told me to eat a good meal to reward myself for finishing a final
instead i cooked dumplings for myself and ate them while organizing TASA Snowboarding Trip's paperwork.

now in the middle of the night
i started to pack a little bit for Taiwan
suddenly, i just had the urge to just sit and relax
so i put the packing on paused
took my laptop to the living room
boiled some water
opened a pack of face mask
then found a movie for me to watch
just like that
I have created a little spa treatment for myself along with a movie and a cup of hot cocoa

how's that for a reward? :)

i am happy.

Attraction

"It's led to believe that someone has appealing traits (such as being honest, humorous and polite), people perceive the person as more physically attractive"

~

You say I don't know to love you baby
Well I say show me the way
I keep my feelings deep inside I
Shadow them with my pride eye
I'm trying desperately baby just work with me

Teach me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, boy I'm so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, show me how to love

I was always taught to be strong
never let them think you care at all
Let no one get close to me
Before you and me
I didn't shared things with you boy about my past
That I'd never tell to anyone else
Just keep it to myself
Now I know I lack affection and expressing my feelings
It took me a minute to come and admit this but
See I'm really trying to change now
Wanna love you better
please show me how because
I'm tryin desperately


I really do think i just need someone to teach me how to love
or meet someone that's willing to slow down a few steps to guide me through this so called "new thing" for me
i am darn frustrated with myself because I lack so much knowledge in this field

i don't really know what's wrong with me to be honest
maybe it was something that i've never put into thoughts before
and as time goes on, it was just left aside and therefore never practiced

but with all that aside
i am just extremely glad that i have friends like you to talk to
Thank you :) that email made my day <3
even though i don't know how to love, or it might just be not knowing what is considered as love
i do know how to appreciate/treasure friends

i will get there soon >:)

如果時間可以倒流

please take me to May 2010

複雜

怎麼會這麼複雜
我到底是誰阿？
so frustrated
my head's gonna explode

maturity

that's one of the key points

do you have it?

:)

Days like these are the reasons why i'm so willing to put in so much for TASA.
This is a type of happiness that's pure
a type of happiness that comes from the bottom of our hearts
these few days have been absolutely amazing :) i hope it goes on like this<3

here's an early Thanksgiving to you guys! treasure those around you! especially your family & friends <3<3

My Bestfriend

couldn't fall asleep because i knocked out right when i got back from the TASA Food Tasting Event
woke up around 2:30am and couldn't sleep since then
so Connie and I just randomly chatted for a while and suddenly she fell asleep
I was still awake and chatted with some people on MSN till around 5 am

I closed the lid for my mac and tried to fall asleep
during this process i imagined how tomorrow will be like
how i should act regarding a "particular" issue
when i was just about to fall asleep i hear Connie mumbling
I thought to myself " she's probably dreaming "
following that, she said "你最好是拉"
I thought to myself " damn, probably dreaming about having a conversation with Jack..this is so funny i'm gonna laugh at her tomorrow"
she continues to mumble a few phrases in Mandarin
then she bust out the most ridiculous phrase ever
"How is it a Turkey if the guy is wearing the jeans in the Turkey?"
i was like "wow what kind of friggin dream is she having? first time i hear her sleep talk and she.."
when i wasn't even done thinking to myself in my head, she says "Sylvia"
I froze.
I was hella scared. I thought she got taken over by a spirit or something
i replied "huh??"
connie: "why is it a turkey if the guy is wearing the jeans? it doesn't make sense"
me; "connie?"
connie: "yeah?"
me: "wait are you awake?"
connie: "what? wait i think so?"
I was confused out of my mind
so i turn on my lamp and flash it at her
i asked "were you talking to me??"
connie: "yeah!"
me: "weren't you asleep? i thought you were just sleep talking"
connie: "oh..wait..in my dream we were still having the conversation we were having before i fell asleep"
me: "so..you just randomly woke up and continued your conversation?"
connie: "haha..i guess..hahaha"
me: "you. are. weird."
connie: "haahahha wow you're still awake?"
me: "yeah i couldn't sleep so i'm just lying on my bed"
connie: " "
me: "connie?"
connie : light snores*

oh god how i wish i could fall asleep that easily
yes guys
this is my best friend
the ultimate Connie Chung

改變

很怕會跟之前的都一樣
所以這次要忍住

可是一定得這樣嗎？
一定都要玩這些遊戲嗎？
那道哪個關卡我才能夠甚麼都不管？


好.難.

running out of time

so many things to do yet so little time.
停下來喘一口氣.




ok continue with work.




-------------------------------

:) 有突破

:)

today was a good day :)
i hope this lasts

true

it's because of times like these
made me treasure the ones i got around me even more
the ones that are true, down to earth and caring
those are the type of close friends i have

接受

我們都接受 一定是彼此不夠成熟
在愛情裡分不了輕重
誠實得過了頭 不能退後也無法向前走
愛是一個自私的念頭 把寂寞消除的理由
剩下的那些感動 能記得多久


怎麼會這麼突然
我的feelings真的很莫名其妙

tears

是變堅強了嗎？
總覺得很幾沒哭了

有點不惜慣這樣的自己
這種時候我因該是會掉眼淚的
是想要掉眼淚
卻忍住了
這種陌生感 老實說
我有點怕

sorrow

for most of the time
what other people think affect me a lot
i act differently
i try to please people as much as i can
i try to make everyone feel as comfortable as possible
i want people to be friends
i want people to be able to find a sense of belonging like i felt with my friends


at times
i just don't care about what anybody thinks
i just want to go back home
and take care of my family
i don't understand why things just can't be "good" for more than a month
finally getting happier again with my sd life
and now there's this to worry about
to be honest
i'd rather have dramatic sd life if that's what it takes to not have to worry about my family

Falling in Love

I'm falling in love she said

To say that word feels like

I'm losing myself

Cause someone always has to give

Give in to get what should already be theirs

Its not like its a photograph

Something to frame and hang it up on the wall

Something that keeps taking on

More than it holds until its taken it all

Can love even in times uncertain

Be the thing that carries us through

Can love open a heart that's frozen

Even when there's nothing there for you.

Oh this is what it feels to be alive

Even though we stumble our way through

Oh, chance and then another one appears

Then again another comes to you.

--------------------------------------

i don't really know how to feel about this
sad?
happy?
regret?

i think i basically just blanked out
nothing was really on my mind
but that emptiness
is pretty darn scary
hopefully my time comes soon

忍

i hope this is only temporary
忍一忍吧

move on

i guess it's time

i had the greatest dream last night
but when i woke up, it made me realize how impossible it is to be that way


i know it will be hard
but i think i will move on now

朋友friends

我好像真的是一個很傻的人
可是我想我比其他人容易感到快樂吧？

朋友真的有很多種
不管是每天混在一起的
旨在ＭＳＮ上聊天的
互相罵來罵去的
有時看不順眼的
偶爾想ＴＥＸＴ的
我都很珍惜,很喜歡


現在我能想到的有三種朋友
一種是有意氣的
一種是有理智的
一種是玩得很恰當的

有意氣的朋友
不管怎麼樣都挺你到底
一看到別人欺負你,跟你吵架
不管誰先的 一定幫你到底
雖然他沒讓你學到你做錯了甚麼
卻永遠讓你感到很溫暖,很被在乎的感覺

有理智的朋友
最是和跟他談心事了
他能給你最真誠的意見跟回答
雖然有時候你會感到空虛,不確定他到底在乎你多少
但是他讓你學得最多,讓你能夠學到自己的缺點而變成更好的人

玩得很恰當的朋友
想玩個痛快,二話不說就是打電話給他
一天下去,可能笑的合不籠嘴
雖然他可能不適合靜下來跟你聊心事
但是他可以讓你忘掉所有煩惱,而讓你感覺到很有幹勁的感覺

三種朋友我都有
現在想起身邊的朋友
每個都fall into one of the types or even more than just one
向上面所敘述的
每個都有缺點
但是我想到他們的時候
只有說不出的感激與熱愛
again 可能真的是因為我傻
但是我真的很幸福 ：）我每個人都很喜歡

irresistible

i don't know what's the matter with me
想怎麼停都停不了

看你這樣
我很難過

damn

damn..
life's good

when you got good friends :)
and good family <3
and good beats <3

勇敢的不是我

天空哭了 它哭什麼呢
我們甚至還有笑容
能牽著手 傷就不那麼痛

沒有路的森林 沒有人看好的你我
比孤單的人 要幸福了很多

就算黑暗 還看不見未來 會不會來
我仍相信 活著是為了去愛

大雨滂陀 我不要回頭
寧願在風中顫抖
勇敢的不是我
是因為你溫暖了我的手

不在乎還有多久 我不需要懂
有你陪我就足夠
永遠只有 流過眼淚的人才能擁有

我很喜歡 最冷的時候
你用自己保護著我
我能感覺 你心跳的溫柔

心甘情願的人 原來什麼都能承受
寧願曲折坎坷 也不要再寂寞

就算黑暗 還看不見未來 會不會來
我仍相信 活著是為了去愛

大雨滂陀 我不要回頭
寧願在風中顫抖
勇敢的不是我
是因為你溫暖了我的手

不在乎還有多久 我不需要懂
有你陪我就足夠
多麼難得 我們做著同樣的夢

就像在盛開之前花朵就已注定
這一生唯一的顏色
就像是你和我 就算吹著瘋狂的風
也不會動搖的執著

大雨滂陀 我不要回頭
寧願在風中顫抖
勇敢的不是我
是因為你溫暖了我的手

不在乎還有多久 我不需要懂
有你陪我就足夠
永遠只有 流過眼淚的人才能擁有

--------------------------

sleepless nights + good music
a new kind of enjoyment :9

AHHHHHH

dedicated to YOU <3
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO DARN CUTE??? OMFGGG HAHAHHAHAHAHA <3<3<3

單純

remember back in the days
when happiness is such an easy thing to grasp?
you get a candy,
you're happy

you get a pat on the head,
you;re happy

you get to sit next to the person you like,
you're happy

growing up, happiness suddenly became harder to find
people became harder to please
goals became harder to reach

i think people just take those little things in life for granted

today i'm happy
and not just because of one thing
but because of a lot of things

woke up in time for work today
got facebook notifications today
didn't have school today
didn't rain like crazy today
got discount for lunch today
learned how to work the register today * big big big happiness
had dinner ready when i got back today <3
looked at pictures and realized i have great friends today
talked about tasa today
thought about upcoming events today
ate yummy food today
talked to mommy on the phone today
finished chem hw today
talked to you today :)
got to know more co-workers today
made reservations today ( i used to be scared to make reservations)
talked in mandarin today
and MANY MANY MANY more


take a step back
and think about those little things
your life can be better

you just need to think more carefully and differently :)

insomniac

i guess this is what i hate about late nights
i think a lot
i want to talk a lot

we were talking about technology is a remedy and poison at the same time in class today
remedy as to humans' needs
poison as to hurting the social relations between humans

the more i think about it
the truer it is that good & bad exist for everything
even photographs
those are what i love the most
memories
yet when i look back
it brings up a faint feeling of remorse

there are so many things i want to do
but i don't have the right to do it anymore
and i hate myself for that

方向

我只想往前走
卻步自拔的一直回頭看



被在乎的感覺
是多麼的幸福
傻

傻傻傻

bleh

yeah

sometimes i just want to slap myself


only wants it when i can't get it
when will i learn my lesson

crushed

我真的不了解為什麼有這麼多人這麼現實

前一秒鐘說得是我愛你
後一秒鐘說得也是我愛你
不同的地方就是換了對象講

前一秒鐘說得是未來可以一起做不完的事
後一秒鐘說得是過去做錯的事情

前一秒鐘讓我認為你們是值得尊敬的人
後一秒鐘讓我一眼都不想在看你們

前一秒鐘我信任了你
後一秒鐘就發現了

我永遠不能再信任你




有些人為了想要得到自己想要的東西
完全不去想身旁人的感受
有些人 就是自私
而那些人
永遠感受不到為別人付出,為別人想或關心的感覺是多麼的好,多麼的爽快
我想這就是為什麼我現在再做這麼多事吧
我喜歡為別人付出
我喜歡逗別人開心
讓我現在好像忙到喘不過氣來
想要證明我不是像你們一樣
想要證明我比你們想像中的堅強很多
我現在很快樂
這種讓我感到單純無憂無慮的快樂
是你從來沒有成功做到的事情

ten

it's October
a new month

lately i've been finding myself waking up to confusion
everything felt surreal
i don't feel like i'm actually living for some reason
maybe it's because of all the things i've stuffed myself with
all those never-ending tasks
all those 3 hr long lectures
all those lack of sleep
all those attitudes that i have to put up with
all those people i want to impress
all those people that bother me

i wake up
my mind is a blank,
a vast field of emptiness

i walk around
neither happy nor sad

i face you
get extremely angry

i face you
eased my temper

i go to sleep
with many things in my mind

then i wake up to a vast field of emptiness once again




i'm not really sure what's going on
it sure feels weird
since it's October
here are 10 things that i would like to achieve
1. have more chances to go back and visit my family
2. be more studious
3. have some quality time with my friends back at home, i sure misses them
4. be more sure of myself
5. start new relationships
6. host/plan/have some very successful TASA events
7. improve my singing
8. have fun at work
9. have more chances to go to clubs and raves!
10. be happier

don't

some people are just shady as hell
i try to be the bigger person every time i face those actions
but whenever i think back my head just wants to explode
i don't know what else to do
i don't know what more to do
i try to let it fly over my head
but somehow it always boomerang back
and i just don't. fucking. know. why. the. fuck. you. would. do. such. thing.
your insecurity needs to be kept to yourself
stop fucking taking it out on me
stop fucking trying to make me feel bad
i have did more than what i was suppose to do
spoiled brat who doesn't know how to appreciate
karma will get back to you
i sure hope it does



sorry for the vulgarity
i just can't take it anymore
have to let it out somehow

late night rambling

yet again another sleepless night
i don't know why i just can't fall asleep when i want to
i was so bored that i read through a whole txt conversation i had with this person

i guess i do miss a lot of things.

----------------------------

what do i have to do to gain your 認可
i want to get more shifts! ugh
so unfair


sosososoo unfair

像瘋了一樣

想知道你是否還是一樣
有沒有學會比較堅強
你快樂的背後 有失望
你何曾在意當時我也是這樣被你傷

想明白為何對我那麼冷淡
有回來故事會不會是這樣
明知道你不會再回頭看
我還是一直以為一直以為有希望

像瘋了一樣 越想你就越心傷
我多麼愛你 卻難逃你的魔掌
像瘋了一樣 你缺少了安全感
你讓我多麼難堪 卻還是一樣把我傷
-----------------------------



I guess i've learned quite a few things from this incident
the only regret i had is it takes something this tragic for me to realize so many things

the feeling of standing over someone is very...breath taking
i didn't know what to say or feel
but tears filled up the silence
images of our times together and images of her in pain all flushed through my mind
it's sad to know that everyone goes through these type of situations

this is why you just gotta do what you want to do
because life IS short
what is it that you want to do?
what is it that you want to do that will let you have no regrets whatsoever after doing it?
if it's what you want
then go for it
if it's what you don't want
drop it



the last, and strongest, memory i had of her
was one day when she was leaving our house for Canada
she grabbed onto my arm with tears filled in her eyes and said "please take care of your mom"
seeing loved ones getting old is painful
seeing loved ones crying is even more painful
i have never seen her cry before
even when the doctor broke the news to her that she had cancer
she did not drop a single tear
this is how brave she is
this is how thoughtful she is
no matter how much pain she is in
the first thing that she does is thanking everyone around her
worrying if she's letting people down

comparing myself to her
i am ashamed


i am definitely starting new, viewing life in a different perspective
i want to do what i want to do and hold on to those that matters to me the most

reminisce

今天聽了這些歌
讓我想到了你

謝謝你讓我開心過
我的確是有很開心

learning

acknowledging the fact that you do not know
is the first step of becoming smarter

strength

hello there
你去吃屎吧你
喔對
你們這些掉兒啷噹的也是



stronger than ever.

R.I.P

the gratefulness of having you in my life
the sadness of continuing life without you
the comfort of knowing that you have loved me dearly
the regret of not having the chance to be with you when you're in pain
the joyfulness of having the memories we've created
the painfulness of feeling the sorrow
the contentment of making you proud
the heartache of losing
but above all that
i still see a dim light of hope
a dim light of happiness
that informs me that you are resting in peace
that you will always watch over me
and protect me when i'm in need

i love you grandma
rest in peace.
8.28.10

感激

你沈沈的睡著　我靜靜　看著你的容貌
聽你的呼吸　聽你的心跳
忽然很想告訴你　謝謝你過去帶給我的美好

人生挫折不少　你的聲音　給我很多依靠～
聽你談未來　聽你大聲笑
忽然很想喚醒你　現在就陪我去山上繞繞

你是我的寶　我一直為你感動驕傲
即使夢想再累再煎熬　你仍然緊緊抓牢
真心的執著　絕不放掉

你是我的寶　我一直為你感動驕傲
外面的世界　再多紛擾　你依舊把單純擁抱
生命的旋律　越唱越高

今晚聽我輕輕唱　我想給你　一分愛的力量
聽我為你祈禱　聽我說說話
我已經打開窗　準備和你　迎接每天的太陽




Rest in peace.
I love you.

寂寞

還是原來那個我 不過流掉幾公升淚所以變瘦
對著鏡子我承諾 遲早我會換這張臉 一堆笑容
不算什麼 愛錯就愛錯
早點認錯 早一點解脫
我 寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
傷到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好
我 寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶里 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
撿來的都該還掉
還是原來那個你 是我自己做夢你又改變什麼
再多的愛也沒有 每個人有每個人的業障因果
會有什麼 什麼都沒有 早點看破 才看得見以後